I learned so much about myself in the last month.  I believe I had to have a relapse in order to discover who I really am and what I want in this crazy life of mine.

At my AA meeting last night, we talked about Step 1...  to admit we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable.

I think it took the relapse to help me realize that my life is unmanageable when I'm drinking.   I became a nasty women that only focused on getting my next drink.  I was miserable!   I was cranky and short tempered with my kids and felt like shit of course because of the hangovers.  I spent money I didn't have, fell behind on housework, and lost track of time....special moments.  Life was just chaotic!  Most importantly, I lost sleep!   My favourite thing in the whole world.  

I'm sooooo grateful that my relapse only lasted two weeks and I was strong enough to realize that I don't want this drinking life anymore.   I want the peace and tranquility I felt for 77 days, my longest bought of sobriety.   It was me!  It's who I am now.  It's who I want to be forever. 

Don't get me wrong, life is still hectic, but doing all the things I have to do, without worrying about my next buzz is much better. 

Sometimes, it takes a while to realize that our lives are really unmanageable...especially if you're like me...  the type that says I'm doing great....I got my shit together, my kids are fed, I go to work everyday, I deserve a drink.

But, when you experience that freedom from the drink for a length of time, the way I did, you realize that it's a special place to be.... one you want to keep.....forever!