I am literally having trouble breathing with the stress in my life. I've taken on too much. I don't even have time to blog or read blogs and now....I'm caught ....thinking way too much of a way out. I want to drink!
Last year, when I reached 50 days... I drank a few days later. Now, I know why! I feel the same friggen way. I haven't been around adults in almost 50 days, besides the work setting. I'm fucking exhausted, going through this divorce with an asshole, my kids are selfish and disrespectful.....now I'm the manager of a hockey team, I'm a leader of a group at work, and my boss asked me to take on another project that begins next year and ends next year. I didn't hand in shit that was due yesterday. My house is a friggen mess.... I don't even know why! Yes it's easy to say....just say no Jen....but you must know that's easier said than done!
I can't keep up!
I went to meditation class tonight and had a total melt down after the session. Strangers were hugging me because I couldn't stop crying. Now, even though I haven't had a good cry in a very long time and my body probably needed it, that was just plain embarrassing. Why was I upset? Someone was laughing in the hall, and it was distracting me from my 20 minutes of meditation ....the ME time I get to myself once a week. The only 20 minutes I get in a week to get out of my mind and body. I couldn't tonight because of that asshole, who knew we were all in there trying to meditate, was rude and inconsiderate.!
The coach looked at me and said' "ahh...good.... goood for you....it's all part of the release....you needed that..." yadda, yadda, yadda. What the fuck does he know what I need? I know what I need and you all know what this fucked up mind is thinking.
I know I need to go to bed ...like an hour ago. I'm going to watch TV for an hour under my big soft warm blankets and go to bed.
I forgot to take my Vitamin Bs today ...damn it!
Ill email you.
ReplyDeleteI so get what's in your head right now but your meditation coach was right - you need to release it. Fact is...you can't just say no - this is your life and you have to learn to deal with it...period. Sorry but it's true. AND you have to learn to deal with it without drinking. That's a fact.
ReplyDeleteI'm a list maker. Whenever I get overwhelmed and I think I'm going to explode, I sit down and make a list of things I have to get done. Then I prioritize them into categories - Must Get Done NOW; Can Wait; Who Cares. THEN I go back and figure out what I can do right now that will make me feel better.
Don't be too hard on the kids. They are going through a divorce right now too and chances are...they are fully aware that their dad is an asshole. Plus, they know you're struggling and they don't know how to help you. It's a very helpless feeling to watch people you love struggle with things and not be able to help them. For a kid, sometimes that means acting out.
If I've gone too far into your business here, feel free to tell me to shut the fuck up. Just know that you only can do one thing at a time.
Love and hugs,
Sherry
http://alkhallanonymous.com/2013/10/02/the-easiest-hardest-thing-youll-ever-do/
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