Well, I'm here. At day 50. I honestly don't feel as excited as I was when I reached Day 40. Isn't that messed.
I'm so close to beating my record of non-drinking days. I do feel more empowered than I ever did before. But, I'm also lonelier.
My buddy invited me to go help her paint her house tonight. I know it will be an activity where alcohol is involved. I have been avoiding her for 50 days. And, she is going through a messy separation. I haven't been there to support her at all. What a suck ass friend I've been. She must think I don't like her anymore and I could see despair in her eyes every time she wants to get together and I have an excuse not to.
Yesterday, I read someone's blog really quickly. It got me thinking of what type of personality I am.... and it's ironic that types of personalities were also discussed at a workshop I attended yesterday.
Does anyone have any good reads on this subject?
The big question for me today is : Extrovert or Introvert......what to be?
I think sometimes we think we're extroverts. Or maybe we feel like we should be an extrovert. You know what i mean? "On" all the time, being with lots of people, being the life of the party. But when we take away the alcohol we see we needed the alcohol to make us behave in a way that's not very comfortable to us. You're also going through a lot right now and you're doing it without numbing yourself which is exhausting! It's kind of natural to want to conserve your energy (both mental and physical) during this time.
ReplyDeleteHow honest have you been with your friend? Maybe it's time to say that you can't spend time with her right now if it includes alcohol. That you want to support her but you just can't risk your sobriety right now It's really okay to put your needs first.
You're doing great.
http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/quiet-quiz-are-you-an-introvert/
ReplyDeleteI worked out as introvert apart from 2. You know Im a massive go getter, and a doer but I just really prefer background calm than look at me drama. I used to be way more an extrovert (maybe attention seeker?!) haha. I met a girl who was like 100 times more extrovert than me who drove me nuts with the drama and attention seeking. I came to appreciate simplicity !!
ReplyDeletei think you're doing great :) and i think that for the first 30-60 days of sobriety the only thing you can do is put your head down and get it done. i think i left the house twice for social things in my first 6 weeks. i was just too shaky. and i'm a big-time extrovert (no shit!). i just needed to get my sea legs. which is what you're doing. you're regrouping, getting stronger. you might be temporarily lonely but you're long-term sober kick ass :) hugs from me. rock on.
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