If there is a God, I hope He helps me this weekend.
I've been a mess....haven't touched booze in 22 days but that's all I can think of....
Daughter: Mom, why are you so cranky
Me: I'm just having some troubles babes..I'm sorry. I love you.
Daughter: Well, I think you should start drinking again. You were happier. Really mom.....
Me: I'm sorry babes. I'll be okay.....Please be patient.
Staff party tonight.....My mind says <<Fuck, I'm so close to 30 days!>>> My body says it's very fucking thirsty and tired. It just wants to be numb for one day, one hour.....
Friggen thoughts suck....
Don't do it - this will pass .You know it will. You will only have to go back to Day 1 again and then there will be another Day 22 which might be like this again and you'll have to get through it anyway! Tomorrow will be a better day. Stay away from the party if you can. Buy your favourite treats, enjoy them together with your kids. Go to bed early. Run tomorrow and give yourself a huge pat on the back for resisting temptation again!!!
ReplyDeleteThink of something else you fancy and have that instead!
Carrie
Have you looked into AA at all (forgive me if I've asked this before...I can't remember). It's not for everyone but if you're having this much trouble maybe it will help.
ReplyDeleteI know time will help. Just hang on. Make a list of all that is good about being sober (no matter how hard that might be right now) and then make one about all that is WRONG with being a drunk. Include what it does to your kids. What it does to your head and your health...and your body.
Read some "drunk books". "Her Best Kept Secret" by Gabrielle Glaser; "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp; Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety by Sacha Z. Scoblic; Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood by Koren Zailckas; Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore: Getting Through the First Year of Sobriety by Rachael Brownell; and Lit: A Memoir (P.S.) by Mary Karrto to name a few. These literally saved my sobriety in the early days.
The most important thing you can do is to REMEMBER what drinking does to you and your kids. And reach out!!! AA, emails (email me if you need to - I'm around all weekend and will talk you off the ledge), SOBER friends.
You can do this. You gave BIRTH for christ's sake...you're a fucking tiger! If you can grow a human being and spit them out...you can quit drinking. I promise.
Sherry
I wish I had something really wise to say, but I don't. This being sober is hard work sometimes, but you're really strong and determined and you can do it. Sherry's ideas--meeting, reading-- sound good. Being around other people who are doing or have done the same thing is really helpful for getting through tough parts and changing your thinking. anyway, stay strong. You've got a whole crew in your corner here! It will get better.
ReplyDeleteMaybe don't go to the party. Even if you really, really should. Say you have a migraine or are getting one. No one ever questions that. Take your daughter to a movie or dinner or shopping instead. Tell yourself you'll stay sober tonight and reevaluate in the morning, you'll probably feel better about it all with some sleep. Go back and re-read some of your blog posts. You won't regret not drinking tonight but you very well may regret it if you do. Take care...I'm rooting for you.
ReplyDelete