As i sat in Emerg with my little guy, i felt enormously grateful for the fact that i was totally sober and able to drive my son to the hospital in the first place. It was much better than getting driven there and trying to mask my breath to break the smell of alcohol. I was able to hold him as the doctor stuck the needle in his leg to freeze the cut so she could give him stitches. It was at that moment that i realized that God works in mysterious ways. It's been very rare lately, besides the last 15 days, that I've been sober at 7pm. But here i was, with my precious angel being the mom that i was supposed to be.... The best mom in the world to him.
I got back to camp a few hours later. My son wanted to go see his buddies to let them know he was fine. Parents were drinking around the fire, kids went inside. My friend offered me a beer, then another friend offered me one of his beers. I said no both times. 5 minutes later, he put a cold beer in my hand and said you need this. I immediately pushed it away, knowing that yes i needed it, yes I would have loved it but no.... I didn't really WANT it. Fuck! Ok.... Maybe 25% of me did......a nice cold beer would have been amazing after the ordeal i had. .....but the rest of my mind and body said no. I gathered my kids and we walked back for some quiet movie and snuggles time.
Would it have been worth it.....having that cold beer? Definitely not! Now that I'm sitting here sober as shit, listening to my precious children snore away, I know that tomorrow morning i will be refreshed and able to run! I also know that I will be the best mom i could be....one without guilt or a sleepless night or a hangover!
I'm exhausted, drained and probably not making much sense.
God Bless
Jen
Day friggen 15!
I'm exhausted, drained and probably not making much sense.
God Bless
Jen
Day friggen 15!
Yes!!!!!!!!!! Wow big congrats, that is something that I have NEVER had to deal with .. someone actually thrusting a drink into my hands... good on you girl... good on you. Such great powerful thinking.. and looking 'through' the moment to the end of the night or the following morning is a very powerful technique to help deal with cravings or pangs or thoughtless friends. Big big ups to you. Yay! xxx
ReplyDeleteHooray for you! I've been lurking along following to see how you're doing and quietly cheering you on, and I'm so pleased for you. Sounds like you were tough in the face of a tough day. Great work. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteTHAT was always my biggest fear when I was drinking! That one of them would need me and I wouldn't be able to function! And when my son had pneumonia and I ad to be present and sober I WAS! Than God.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right about the God thing. That was a pretty powerful message he sent you and what a freaking amazing job you did!
And stitches are tough to watch...I'm gettin queasy just remembering...ugh!
Good job mama bear!
Sherry
I am so thankful that your son is ok and that you made it through sober, that is fantastic! What an amazing gift sobriety is and congrats on day 15! woot woot!
ReplyDeleteI really want to say I saw your blog and am in love with it. I'm currently pregnant and am struggling to stay sober (my vice is vodka/energy drinks). I'm just so confused, hurt and your blog helps me so much. Would love to talk to you on a personal, not just blog level. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteNatalie
Natalie, your comment today has helped me so much.... I thought about getting drunk all day today.... My friend keeps asking me to get together..... It's amazing how divided our mind becomes when we struggle with booze..... It friggen sucks....
DeleteI'd love to chat or talk to you too.... Pregnancies were tough for me too.... I must admit that I did have a couple of drinks once in a while and when I was nine months pregnant for my first son, I found myself in a bar! I was only 20! I still see myself there and I hate myself for that.
Here is my email address . Once you contact me, we can maybe hook up on Facebook! Good luck!
Jen
jsmaz2@hotmail.com
Take Care of yourself!