Last night's cravings were bad! Maybe because it was Friday night....maybe i was emotional....maybe i was lonely....maybe i just fuckin deserved a drink!!
But I resisted my millions of thoughts and survived the night drinking beautiful H2O. Part of my strength came from knowing that today was going to be day 30 and i didn't want to screw that up.
I've gained weight this month. I treated myself and indulged in chips and ice cream often because i was resisting temptation to drink. I kept my belly full so that I knew that one drink wouldn't give me the buzz i was looking for.
Twelve years ago , i quit smoking. I gained weight then too! Isn't it normal to gain weight when we let something go? I know it won't take me long to get back on track with my weight but I don't really like myself right now.
Now what?
I have lost drinking buddies. I'm gaining weight. I don't drink. I'm a lonely 40 something year old. I'm in debt.
I have never been sober for more than 50 days. I don't feel that strong but I'd love to beat my record. I also need to stop emotional eating. It's making me feel yucky about myself.
Some days are better than other. Some days i feel like a bull ready to fight in a ring! Some days i feel like shit!
Hang in there! I think you'll feel a much greater sense of pride in yourself for not drinking if you stick with it! You might even make some new friends, and start taking better care of yourself, and get yourself out of debt, and?? The possibilites are endless. If you go back to drinking? I'm thinking a lot of us know how that works out...well, I know how it always works for me anyway.
ReplyDeleteHey Jen! Hang in, and sleep on it! I would suggest not to worry about your weight for now, just don't drink! This happens to many of us, eating so we don't drink, but once you have some more time and the cravings ease up and your emotions level out, you can cut down on eating and like you say get right beck on track. Also, it's hard loosing drinking friends, but from what I read before you already know that they are not real friends... Anyway, I am rooting for you and sending many hugs! Keep sober!
ReplyDeleteYou do not deserve a fucking drink. You do not deserve to treat your body that way. You do not deserve to ruin your relationship with your children. You do not deserve to go further in debt because on top of all your other bills you're buying beer. You do not deserve to keep your drinking buddies who only love you when you're making them feel better about their own drinking problems.
ReplyDeleteNo, you do not deserve a fucking drink. You deserve BETTER. You're worth the effort.
Sherry