I survived day 2. I honestly don't know if i will make it far. I had some very weak moments and felt like crying a lot today!
I ran 6 KM when I got up. Got rid of booze...just put it in my car....out of site for now. ...cleaned up...changed furniture around....and read....
I read a couple of passages from an old journal today dated back to January 2007. I can't believe that I've been trying to break this cycle for over 6 years now! The journal entries were written to my daughter. I was aiming to quit for her back then. Part of me still wants to quit for her but I need this....I need sobriety sooooo bad!
I just want a sense of freedom and strength!
I know I will need help in this. I don't have a lot of friends or many family members which all makes me feel so lonely.
I will look up AA meetings when I return home from camp. I want to stop fighting. I want to stop wanting. I want to be healthy!
You are not alone, there is a large, warm and supportive online community. You can totally do this.. the first part is the hardest though and you will lurch from one emotion to another.. but you only have to do the first bit ONCE if you stick to it it'll slowly but surely get easier. All the very best and big hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteYou CAN do it, it's hella hard...I'm on day 71 and I NEVER thought I could. Reach out, get help..hugs
ReplyDeleteDefinitely reach out. Isolating yourself is repeating the behavior we use when we drink. Break that behavior by inviting someone else in. If you don't think AA is for you (once you've given it a good hard try) then find a private therapist that can help you.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't use your commitment to Find AA when you get back be an excuse to drink while you're at camp. Every day you get under your belt makes the next one easier.
You can do THIS!
Sherry