I've been keeping myself so busy that I have little time to blog. This is making me lose focus.
I've gotten involved in a few projects at work, just ran a 10 KM race and finished at my personal best, working on spring cleaning in my house, sold my camp which made me a little sad....and at the end of the day I just want to sleep....I literally crash and burn.
I'm on Day 41 today and feel excited that I will soon be at the highest amount of "sober days" I've ever had!. I think my record was around 50ish.
However, all this keeping busy stuff is making me tired and craving alcohol just so that I can feel relaxed. I haven't been able to meditate. There is way too much to think about!
Keeping busy is helping my mind stay on track during my sobriety but I'm also mentally fatigued. I'm keeping myself so busy that I'm avoiding feeling the feelings I should be feeling. Thoughts of booze are entering the mind lately and I'm feeling vulnerable again. Part of me keeps saying I'm gonna have a great summer and just drink and party with my buddies. Another part says, fuck that! It is not what I really want!
I did so good up to now! Why would I want to go back to my old miserable, feel like shit, hangover days? Well for one, my mind thinks that's what I want. It needs to have some calmness. It's not getting it lately.
This weekend will be nice and quiet. I need to get back on track, catch up on some personal reading, maybe get the pedicure I promised myself.
I probably don't even make sense cause I'm so damn tired......but I'm sober!! I'm effin sober!
Goodnight!
Congrats on 41! :)
ReplyDeleteEvery day matter.
Have a great day.
Peggy
'matters' ;-)
ReplyDeleteI hope things are going good for you. It sounds like a lot of busy-ness and stress, but all good changes. Sleep is so curative, especially in those early days. All those cravings you're talking about are perfectly normal, particularly in the first 90 days. You're doing it right, just hang in there and let yourself crash at the end of a tough day. You're doing so much and sleep is like the ultimate reset button.
ReplyDeleteThere are many other ways that you can get a wholesale cost on a Game Boy advance. Yard sales are sometimes good sources of things that people do not want. Often people in college will sell items they are bored with or no longer have time for at a drastically reduced price. Therefore, if you go to college, you could check the billboards and see what is for sale.
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