As some of you may know, I have been solo for almost 3 years. Dating is an experience in itself. I could probably start up a new blog about my crazy dating experiences...but that's not my focus right now.
Dating...with drinks is awesome. Have a few drinks, relax, nerves subside a little. We become more comfortable with each other and our conversation becomes easy or less awkward, almost natural. A person can even start looking better after a few glasses of wine....better than when you first set eyes on each other the first time. And after an evening of drinking, you may even do things with a stranger that you would have never done, if you were sober. Regrets the next day? Oh yes! Been there, done that!
I almost don't want to quit drinking because part of me, in my crazy head that doesn't stop chattering, wants a man that can have fun with me, keep up with me....have a few drinks at the end of the day and mingle with me. It seems like for my 10 years of marriage, I missed having a partner to have fun with. My ex didn't drink, didn't socialize or didn't even like having people around. I've been craving a partner to share that with. I really don't know any other way to live. I don't know how to have a relationship as a sober person. Do I stay with someone that drinks now that I'm trying to find myself as a sober person? Do I only date someone that doesn't drink because it will be much easier for me?
Dating as a sober person....that's going to be extremely difficult. There aren't too many people (men) out there that just don't drink. Seems like everyone drinks!
I have been on a date as a sober person (last summer) and it was a little awkward, especially when I was set up by a good friend of mine and the man informed me that he made home-made wine..... lots of it. He wanted to have a drink but I made up some sort of excuse as to why I didn't want to drink that night. We did have small talk and it went well....but he sure talked about his wines a lot (he was Italian). Of course, my first thought was 'I definitely can't see him again'.
Before Lent, I went on a date with a man named 'A'. We had a few drinks, chatted, enjoyed each other's company. Well, 'A' wants to see me again tomorrow night. It's Friday night and I've been sober since last week! Do I tell him that I gave up booze for Lent? Do I tell him the truth and say I'm allergic to alcohol? I have debated all week as to whether I should see him again. How am I supposed to go on a second date with someone, after I've given up booze? It's so freegin awkward! I backed out today, and told him that I wasn't ready for anything serious right now and we were at different places in our lives. He said he understood, because he knows I'm going through a lot of shit with the ex. But, he still thinks we should hang out and be friends... which is what I wanted in the first place, except for the drinking part now!
I know that I will find my perfect match one day and he will accept me as a sober person or as a drunk. I also know that I need to build my confidence again so that I could have regular conversations with a date, boozeless, and feel comfortable with who I am. I know that I want a man that will be my friend, my partner and my confidant. I've got a lot of work to do...on this journey of self-discovery. I believe that God will lead me down the path that I'm supposed to go through.
I'm doing a lot of self-discoveries during this Lenten season. I have given up other things besides alcohol. I have had so many temptations but I'm remaining focused on my goal. If Jesus could survive in the desert and suffer, I could survive as sober person....and suffer!
For me, there is no way I could have done this if my hubs had still been drinking. He can take it or leave it and, blessedly, he has left it.
ReplyDeleteI think there are plenty of sober guys out there who would be lucky if you looked their way.
For now, just tell them you gave up drinking for Lent. That way, they know you don't drink AND they get an idea of how much your faith means to you all in one shot.
You can soooooo do this!!!
Sherry
If you like him and want to go out again, I think any of those reasons would work. But early recovery is tough for a number of reasons, so do what you need to stay sober now. When you described how you hope to feel with the right man, it reminded me of how I feel without booze now...more comfortable in my own skin and with who I really am. It seems to happen naturally, in its own time.
ReplyDelete