My first thought was heck no! I was just trying to process the fact that I've been falling into old patterns and I wasn't happy about relying on alcohol to deal with my stress levels.
I'm not sure exactly when I started drinking again on a regular basis or how it happened. I know it started with a social event and me convincing myself that I could drink socially. I did a great job eh? Now, I find myself hiding booze from my kids or family, I find myself craving it by 3 pm on a daily basis, I find myself avoiding outings because I need to drink and I can't drive if I'm drinking, I find myself gaining weight and losing control of what goes in my body, including a lot of junk food, I find myself drinking alone on most days.....
From social drinker to lonely drinker....what's wrong with this picture? So much, but with feeling so "powerless"....I don't care about what's wrong with that picture because when I'm drinking, I'm at peace, i feel calm and get shit done and actually feel empowered to do anything...(except drive).
Anyway, I did a lot of thinking last night and thought "I'll quit February 1st and call it "Booze-Free February". So, of course my mind thinks, I have two weeks to get shit faced and gain more weight and feel like shit! Two weeks left before i give up booze and all social areas of my life because all my friends and family drink. Then, I thought "Oh, it's my birthday in February....so it may not be a good month to quit."
Maybe March 1 st will be a better month. ...then I have more time to drink and convince myself that this is what's best for me. Heck, it will take me that long to psych myself to quit for the rest of my life. ...but then, there's March Break and I want to take a trip to somewhere hot where there's an all-inclusive package deal so I can drink as much as I want for "free"!...so it may not be a good month to quit either.
Is there ever a good time to do it? To just quit something that we love so much? NO! It's as simple as that. There will always be something that comes up, that will entice us to drink. We are surrounded by it on a daily basis frigg!
So I decided that today was the day. Just for today, I didn't want to drink. Well, I actually did want to drink but I did better things for my body...like soaked in the tub and relaxed. ...and had a great healthy meal!
What is special about today? Today is January ten-4! Today is my day! I want today to be the day that I made the choice to "not " drink anymore.
January 14 (ten-4). Sounds like a perfect day to give my body back it's health and energy that it so deserves!
I know I have so much work to do. I will read my original blog everyday to see the shit I went through last time I tried to quit. Maybe I'll find myself reading my own advice and say ...yeah ...you're right Jen....
Old blog :
http://breakingthecyclemom.blogspot.ca/?m=1
Wish me luck! There are no guarantees but today I made it!
God bless!
You're so right in there is never going to be a perfect time to quit. Thinking back, I drank when I was anxious, depressed, happy, relaxed, etc. There was never going to be a time when I wasn't feeling one of those things.
ReplyDeleteCongrats and good luck! :)
you rock. glad you're here doing this now. happy that you have a day one. you should feel pretty proud :)
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Hope I'm not far behind you, trying to find my day 1 again soon!
ReplyDeleteYou've taken the right approach...you only have to do it one day, hour, minute at a time. Don't think about quitting "forever"...it's too much...too depressing. Just give yourself today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit to laughing out loud while reading this post because I went through all of those same things when I was trying to figure out when. Then, also like you I finally realized there would never be a good time to quit because I loved it so much (which I should have realized was not a good thing). So I finally just said "fuck it" and quit.
And then I had the date tattooed on my right wrist . Every time I looked at it I renewed my commitment because I knew it would hurt like a bitch to have the damn thing removed if I relapsed again.
Hey...it worked for me. Find something that works for you. And feel free to email me if you need to vent privately.
We're all here in your corner...rooting for you.
Sherry