I hear your questions and concerns!
I've always wondered why I just can't be a "normal" drinker or why it bothers me so much when I did drink everyday. Some people drink way more than me and they are considered normal or it doesn't bother them at all.... Why am I different?
I'm different because I'm aware of what the effects of the overuse of alcohol has done to my mind, body and soul.... (Includes sleepless nights)
I'm different because I'm not the type of drinker that can only have one or even two glasses of red wine....and feel satisfied..... I need the whole bottle and maybe another ......I drink till it's all gone....
I'm different because I think about booze all day long.....wanting the liquid to enter my body to soothe it...like an obsession....
I'm different because I am a different person when I drink. I become someone that I've gotten to know in the last two months of sobriety......I become loud, annoying, the party animal that everyone loves and wants around to mask what they are dealing with....
I'm different because I don't want to drink everyday and found myself drinking on a daily basis anyway......alone most of the time.....
People who drink in moderation have one or two and that's it....they know their limits and stay within them. They don't obsess with booze like I did.....they don't sit at the clock and wait till 3pm to get home to pour their glass of booze..... They don't drink alone ...they are the ones that say "wow, she drank a lot last night....doesn't she know her limits?" They don't need to drink the whole bottle. They don't rely on an excess amount of alcohol to unwind or calm their nerves....
Everyone has their own reasons to drink.....whether they have a problem or not, it doesn't really matter.
I'm here today, with you because we are tired of the same old cycle. We are admitting that we don't like the way we feel about how or why we drink.
You wrote: if we drink alcoholic beverages, what is the point if we have no investment in a desire for its effect, even though alcoholic drinks and their entire being, is founded in getting us intoxicated to a point. Do they sense a light relax and then head off?
Yes!
That's the difference between a "normal" drinker and me...... They only need one or two to get the feeling they are looking for ....they're not looking to get drunk and they know when they've gotten their little buzz on , and they don't pass their max....they know when to stop...... I want it to last forever!. I don't want the buzz to leave and I don't even realize when I'm buzzed, or how buzzed I am until I'm way in over my head.......so I choose to drink till it's all gone.....or till I'm ready for bed or ready to pass out....
Moderation.
Noun
1. The quality of being moderate, restraint, avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance
I'm not a moderate drinker, I can't restrain from it and I don't avoid excess use of alcohol on a good day.....
How are you today?
Happy Friggen Friday!!!
Eating junk food, hanging with kids.....they are having sleepovers here!! ARGH!!
I can't be a normal drinker either. Sucks but is what it is and I know I'm not alone and these blogs are really helping me. Thanks for sharing, I look forward to reading more from you.
ReplyDeleteDear Buddy,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your ongoing love and support. As you know, I went 5 days without alcohol and felt grand. Then, I was lured by loved ones into an attempt at moderation (I say lured but of course I had the choice). As you know I was angry at myself the next day and it brought out strong emotions, past issues, buried resentments and pain. The good news is, I dusted myself off, got up the next day after a good cry and got back on the horse. No alcohol for me this week. The other good news is, I did actually drink in moderation when I did drink. So whilst I was annoyed at myself, it was because I wanted to not drink. But did drink. But that said, I didn't lose control, hit the bottle and say to hell with it I'm getting hammered. I just had 2 beers. New for me!! And after 5 days alcohol free, (my prior personal best was 3 days!) I could feel the effects for what they were and was able to walk away. The question I raised to you here, was an important milestone for me. I did want to know if I could learn to be moderate and not use alcohol as a crutch. Lesson learned. But I learned much more too. I don't need to give my power away to others anymore. No white horse is coming to say STOP!! I will be lured in a thousand ways everyday and its my choice. I also learned that I feel 100% happier, better in my soul and am a gazillion times calmer, more productive, laugh more and sleep better without alcohol. In the quiet of my calm, Ive listened closely to the conversations around me. The friend who rings me to download her drama, saying hang on just wait til I grab a beer. The playdate mums saying can we come over for a play "Ill bring the bubbles". The texts from kids friends parents saying Im so hungover and I have to go to athletics !!The, 'my kids are ferral I need a stiff drink (at 9.30am) from friends.' All of it feels like a veil being lifted from my eyes. It seems that their is a normal, mainstream attitude that if we are all excessive drinkers, its not a problem, we are the fun people hahaha....til its not fun..at all.
I asked a friend the other day if people just meet for lunch anymore? She said, you mean with wine right? Another friend asked if we could meet at my place for a catchup and I said how about the coffee shop at 10am? She made other plans as she was looking for a sunny 11am sparkling brunch!! Wow. My brother calls me once a fortnight, normally on his one day pass out, but he is drunk slurs his words and acts silly and I just paid attention. Now, I just get it. I totally get it. Thanks again.
xx